I have had my fair share. I have lost a lot of people that mean much to me either to death or to distance. It has caused me to be extraordinarily careful in letting anyone into my life.
My first loss to death was a long time ago, I didn't exactly understand what I felt then but when eventually I did, I lost a part of me.
Ever since the first loss to death I have tried to fill the vacuum, but it has never seemed to work. This happened a long time ago. I was in secondary school when the battle for life started. Then I didn't know it was the battle for life I just was a little shadowed child who knew he was sick, but didn't know to what extent. I understood a bit when he started to fade away. He was huge and now he was frail. I continued like the child I was not understanding what it meant.
That faithful night he had decided not to fight anymore but I didn't know. I remember the look in her eyes when she walked into my room, but I still didn't understand. He walked into my room, asked me to stop reading and go to bed, that this is a festive season and I could take a brake from my books. I accepted, little did I know that was GOODBYE FOREVER.
I was woken in the middle of the night by my brother and I followed him to the sitting room where he laid lifeless and I still didn't understand. I just wanted to get on with my sleep, and I laid down and continued.
At the breaking of dawn the ambulance came for him, the pastors visited and that was the beginning of the visitors. The house bustled with friends and well wishers and as a child I was happy to have everyone around cooking food, making pastries etc.
After the burial in the village, we returned home to a lifeless house, the visitors where all gone and their was no activity at all. Visitors stopped coming and that was the last time I saw a lot of people.
This was the beginning of my losses to death and distance, and the most painful of them all.
My first loss to death was a long time ago, I didn't exactly understand what I felt then but when eventually I did, I lost a part of me.
Ever since the first loss to death I have tried to fill the vacuum, but it has never seemed to work. This happened a long time ago. I was in secondary school when the battle for life started. Then I didn't know it was the battle for life I just was a little shadowed child who knew he was sick, but didn't know to what extent. I understood a bit when he started to fade away. He was huge and now he was frail. I continued like the child I was not understanding what it meant.
That faithful night he had decided not to fight anymore but I didn't know. I remember the look in her eyes when she walked into my room, but I still didn't understand. He walked into my room, asked me to stop reading and go to bed, that this is a festive season and I could take a brake from my books. I accepted, little did I know that was GOODBYE FOREVER.
I was woken in the middle of the night by my brother and I followed him to the sitting room where he laid lifeless and I still didn't understand. I just wanted to get on with my sleep, and I laid down and continued.
At the breaking of dawn the ambulance came for him, the pastors visited and that was the beginning of the visitors. The house bustled with friends and well wishers and as a child I was happy to have everyone around cooking food, making pastries etc.
After the burial in the village, we returned home to a lifeless house, the visitors where all gone and their was no activity at all. Visitors stopped coming and that was the last time I saw a lot of people.
This was the beginning of my losses to death and distance, and the most painful of them all.
1 comment:
Its well dear.bt u're a strong girl or do I say lady.and u have an amazing man by ur side.happy for u.
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