Two different emotions, I have felt them both and that is why I can say boldly that they are not the same. You can be alone and not be lonely, also you can be lonely and not be alone.
After he left me I was alone. He walked away from me without looking back all because I refused to let him live my life for me. How would he expect me to live on his terms. I am an adult now, and I was an adult then.
I didn't date much but every relationship I had then I thought was special. I met this really special guy. He was really handsome, sexy and sure was head spinning (saw him recently and he is still as breathtaking as ever) . We started dating (or so I thought) and I was feeling fly. I had air around me like I could fly. At this time I was neither alone nor lonely. It was cool. Sooner than I expected he started to act up, trying to plan my time and life as if he were my manager and father. When I didn't let him he took up a bad habit that he new I won't approve of if I found out. He let me find out and I was devastated. I confronted him, he laughed in my face and walked off. I was sad and alone in that room. but I wasn't lonely.
My first time feeling lonely is still a part of my fair share... When we got home after the burial, I came home to my house and that big old man was gone. I went in to my room and unpacked, laid on my bed. I tried to sleep but it didn't seem to work. Then and only then did the chill of loneliness creep up on me. I was in this room alone and lonely. He was an active part of my life. He wasn't coming to check up on me, he won't tuck me in, he won't chat with me anymore and neither would I be able to make him call my mother off my back. I wanted to cry then I remembered that their wouldn't be a father daughter dance at my wedding. I got of my bed walked around my room a bit, turned to leave but I found myself sitting on my bathroom floor and crying uncontrollably...
I was definitely a lonely little girl.
After he left me I was alone. He walked away from me without looking back all because I refused to let him live my life for me. How would he expect me to live on his terms. I am an adult now, and I was an adult then.
I didn't date much but every relationship I had then I thought was special. I met this really special guy. He was really handsome, sexy and sure was head spinning (saw him recently and he is still as breathtaking as ever) . We started dating (or so I thought) and I was feeling fly. I had air around me like I could fly. At this time I was neither alone nor lonely. It was cool. Sooner than I expected he started to act up, trying to plan my time and life as if he were my manager and father. When I didn't let him he took up a bad habit that he new I won't approve of if I found out. He let me find out and I was devastated. I confronted him, he laughed in my face and walked off. I was sad and alone in that room. but I wasn't lonely.
My first time feeling lonely is still a part of my fair share... When we got home after the burial, I came home to my house and that big old man was gone. I went in to my room and unpacked, laid on my bed. I tried to sleep but it didn't seem to work. Then and only then did the chill of loneliness creep up on me. I was in this room alone and lonely. He was an active part of my life. He wasn't coming to check up on me, he won't tuck me in, he won't chat with me anymore and neither would I be able to make him call my mother off my back. I wanted to cry then I remembered that their wouldn't be a father daughter dance at my wedding. I got of my bed walked around my room a bit, turned to leave but I found myself sitting on my bathroom floor and crying uncontrollably...
I was definitely a lonely little girl.
No comments:
Post a Comment